What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
