I want to have your abortion
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
