So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just gargled with NyQuil
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
