I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
