now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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