EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
