Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
