this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
