i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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