It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
