I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
