i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Farmville is her only friend.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
