I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
