You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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