he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
