Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
