took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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