Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
