i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
