He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
