I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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