I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
