It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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