I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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