His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
