Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When are your genitals available?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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