I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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