great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
