i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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