I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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