I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
