So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize