Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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