Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
