today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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