I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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