thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize