I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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