oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and she was petting her beer can
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
