Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
