i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
