happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
