So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
