also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We are two peas in an std pod
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
