I accidentally had phone sex last night
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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