Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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