I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
