The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
