Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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