After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
