do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
