we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to make out with him forever
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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