ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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