I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
