she woke up with a sticky ear
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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