I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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