I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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