ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
