first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
