we should wear snuggies to the strip club
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
