Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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